Name: Ben Steel, CEO | Address: PO Box 8874 Portland, OR 97207

Phone: (503) 946-8792 | Email: ben@cuckoldrelationship.com

 

Information, Advice, and Coaching

Cuckold Sex:

How Cuckoldry Supercharges Your Sex Life

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One of the most well kept secrets of cuckolding relationships is how much they increase sexual desire and arousal. Research by Helen Fischer, probably the world’s foremost expert on the evolutionary aspects of love and desire, reveals that New Relationship Energy (NRE) lasts no more than 2 years, but as you’ll see, this isn’t the case with cuckold sex.

NRE is that intense arousal and tunnel vision that we get when we meet someone new and it’s an inherent part of cuckold sexuality.

This gradual tapering of sexual intensity is one of the reasons that so many couples find themselves parting ways. This is a large part of the reason that the infidelity rate is 40% and the divorce rate ranges between 50-70% for first, second, and third marriages.

It’s also the reason that so many women are diagnosed with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. Droves of women are going to the doctor’s office and complaining about one thing: They’re upset that they don’t have a desire to keep having sex with their husband.

Obviously, they haven’t yet engaged in cuckold sex.

cuckold-sex-absence-of-passion
HSDD affects more than 33% of all women in the USA.

It’s not that they won’t have sex – they’ve simply lost their desire to have sex…at least with their husband.

Do you know what the cure for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder is?

They don’t have one.

But as I’m going to show you, that’s because most doctors are unfamiliar with the power of cuckold sex.

I used to think this was simply the inevitable consequence of long-term relationships, but it turns out there is a very specific reason that sexual intensity and passion fade over time.

That reason is a result of how we balance two very specific equations. Don’t worry, there is no math involved. These two equations are the result of years of study and exploration.

1. The Desire Equation, which tells us what the components of desire are.
2. The Commitment Equation, which tells us what the components of most long-term relationships are.

Let’s take a closer look at the first equation – The Desire Equation.

There are six major components that encapsulate sexual desire.

Desire = Mystery + Novelty + Uncertainty + Anticipation + Distance + Attraction

Let’s take a look at how each component produces desire, passion, and sexual intensity and then we’ll examine how cuckold sexuality elevates all of them.

If you have not yet read the articles on the reasons for the cuckold fantasy and the psychology of cuckoldry, I highly recommend you pause here and complete those articles first

ATTRACTION

Think back to a time when you just met a new lover – either your current partner or a previous one. What was the first thing that drew them to you?

Most people answer with attraction. Attraction is multi-faceted and refers to more than just physical appearance. It’s also their personality, their attitude and who they are as a person.

Attraction also embodies sexual chemistry – that immediate and powerful pull that you feel when the polarity between you sparks. It’s like lightening in your body.

MYSTERY

When you first meet someone, they are an enigma – a puzzle begging to be solved. They are a mystery and each secret that you uncover, each layer that you peel back, is like unwrapping a Christmas present.

This slow unraveling generates desire through curiosity and novelty. You imagine who they might be and what your life might be like with them. The mystery compels you. You want to solve it, to know it, and to understand it.

This burning fascination generates desire.

NOVELTY

Human beings crave novelty and new experiences. This is why we love to take vacations, to try new foods, and to meet new people. Most of us create routines in our life because it automates the things we do everyday and frees up our brain to concentrate on other problems and issues.

Having a routine is highly efficient for productivity, but it ABSOLUTELY murders desire.

Desire is the promise of something new, it thrives on the unknown and the unpredictable. This is one of the reasons that new lovers generate such lust in us. They are a new mountain to be climbed, a new country to be visited, a new experience to be generated; they are also the source of intense eroticism and pleasure in cuckoldry.

UNCERTAINTY

This one tends to be a bit more challenging for many people.  Part of the appeal of mystery and novelty is that both contain an element of uncertainty.

You don’t know how the relationship will end, you don’t know if they’re going be an amazing lover or a mediocre one, you don’t know if they are going to want you as much as you want them.

Part of the reason that uncertainty turns us on so much when we first meet someone is that we’re not yet a couple – we haven’t yet become a foregone conclusion.

We haven’t crossed the threshold into union, which means that we don’t have the same fear of loss and abandonment that we have in committed relationships.

The not knowing is intriguing and enticing. What are they going to do next?  What will I experience? How will I feel?

ANTICIPATION

Anticipation slowly builds the wanting inside of you like a slow cooker. It pulls back the bowstring, as it were. and creates tension.  The tension begs for release, and when we can’t take it anymore, we let the arrow fly.

Anticipation is a natural part of new relationships because we haven’t yet developed the routines that kill it.

When you’re new, you’re always thinking about what’s coming next – you live in a constant state of anticipation.  Contrast that with 10 years of marriage and you begin to see the challenge.

This imagining generates sexual tension through the anticipation of the act itself.

DISTANCE

The last major component of desire is distance and this one may not make sense right away so I want you to imagine a roaring fire as your relationship.

If you remove all the distance and eliminate any space, the fire will die.  It needs air to breathe and space to let the air in.

Too much distance and there’s not enough heat to keep the fire going. Too little distance and there’s not enough air to let it burn.

Relationships are the same way. We want to contract the distance between us so that we can feel the heat of the fire, but ironically a little bit of distance helps keep the fire blazing.

It also elevates the feelings of uncertainty, anticipation, and mystery, which also serve to increase desire.

Long-Term Relationships

Ok, so now that we understand the fundamental components of the desire equation, let’s  take a look at the components of a long-term relationship.

Desire = Mystery + Novelty + Uncertainty + Anticipation + Distance + Attraction
Commitment = Familiarity + Routine + Security + Foregone Conclusion + Closeness + Attraction

The first thing to notice is that all the components of a committed relationship are polar opposites of the ones in desire, minus attraction. Mystery becomes familiarity, novelty becomes routine, uncertainty is replaced with security, anticipation becomes a foregone conclusion, and distance gets contracted into closeness.

The predicament for couples in long-term relationships is that what initially turns us on eventually scares the hell out of us. The more attached we become to someone, the more we fear losing them.  The closer we become, the more we loathe distance. As you’ll see shortly, cuckold sex manages to short-circuit this issue.

We want security, comfort, and peace of mind in our relationships and these all come from eliminating or reducing mystery, uncertainty, distance, and novelty.

We erect a fortress of rules, regulations, boundaries, and agreements to help us achieve and maintain security and comfort. We subconsciously begin to control our partner and limit his or her autonomy and freedom.

“You can’t go out without me anymore….”

“Who were you on the phone with?”

“Why did you stay late at work last night?”

“You can never find anyone else attractive ever again.”

We actually believe that this self-created legal system will keep us safe.  The very things that turned us on in the beginning have become the very things we try to protect ourselves from.

We want to know everything about our partner so that there is no mystery.
 We establish routines because they are comfortable and predictable. We choke the life out of anticipation.

We kill uncertainty because it threatens stability. We contract any distance between us in the name of intimacy. We stand behind the wall we erect and hope that it will keep us safe.

Our challenge is to reconcile these two equations, which happens naturally with cuckold sexuality.

Desire = Mystery + Novelty + Uncertainty + Anticipation + Distance + Attraction

Commitment = Familiarity + Routine + Security + Foregone Conclusion + Closeness + Attraction

Cuckold Sex in Action

In order to increase desire and passion in a relationship, we have to increase the amount of each component of the desire equation, which is usually a lot of focused effort for a couple, but not if they are engaging in cuckold sex.

Cuckoldry is unique in its ability to elevate every single component of the desire equation immediately.

The result is a renewed feeling of passion, arousal, and sexual intensity for both the husband and the wife. As we review how cuckoldry affects each component of the desire equation, what we’ll find is that the hotwife gets to experience NRE with each new bull and the cuckold feeds off of the energy they create together.

That is the secret sauce in cuckold sex. The wife experiences it directly and the husband indirectly, but no less powerfully for his fetish.

And, even if the reality of cuckolding is not possible, the Teaser Test gives you options on how to incorporate the fantasy into role play.

ATTRACTION

The hot-wife sleeps with men she finds physically attractive, and when she does, the cuckold finds her almost irresistible. Both the husband and the wife experience attraction in a new and intense manner.

MYSTERY

The bull is unknown.  Even if he was a friend, he is unknown as a lover.
Mystery is inherent in every interaction.

How will the sex be?

What will he do to me?

How will I feel about him?

What does the future hold?

Mystery abounds….

NOVELTY

By default, any new lover is novel. Everything is new.

Every experience and interaction is a constant journey of discovery. The way he feels inside, the way he kisses and talks to you.  Everything is deliciously new – that’s one of the secrets of sexuality in cuckolding.

UNCERTAINTY

Because everything is new and mysterious, certainty is impossible. You don’t know how things will progress, if you’ll fall in love with him or not, if the sex is so good that you might prefer him as a lover.

This uncertainty coexists with the implicit danger of cuckoldry. The danger and taboo nature of the affair only enhance its erotic appeal. That is the beauty of cuckold eroticism.

The danger and uncertainty inherent to cuckold relationships activates our fight or flight system, and if we stay in that state, it also leads to hyper-arousal.

Have you ever done something you knew you shouldn’t and found it terribly exciting? If you said no, it’s time to break a few rules and experience the energy of the taboo – something inherent in cuckold sex.

ANTICIPATION

With novelty comes anticipation.  You can’t wait to find out what happens next. You daydream about the way he kisses or makes love to you.  You long for the next encounter.

Routines are impossible with something so new, which creates a sense of internal longing.

DISTANCE

Because the bull is, by default, not the primary partner there is always a degree of distance and separation.

The fire blazes and the lack of constant togetherness makes the other even more appealing. There isn’t enough time together to tire of him or become annoyed by his quirks.

Summary

So we can see how every single element of the desire equation is increased for the hot-wife by virtue of her new relationships and this makes cuckold sex the king of the mountain, so to speak.

The husband experiences these things indirectly, but his turn on comes from a slightly different mechanism. The possible danger of the situation combined with its novelty, uncertainty, mystery and taboo nature all combine to form a super potent cocktail of sexual energy.

The cuckold is swimming in a soup of liquid sex all the time. He may alternate between extreme arousal and feelings of discomfort, shame, anxiety, and fear; however, these feelings are the fuel for the masochistic pleasure of cuckold sex.

There are several different ways to increase desire, passion, and sexual intensity in a relationship, but cuckold sex offers a unique approach that produces near-instantaneous desire and passion.

For couples open to this lifestyle, it can revive a routine or lackluster sex life. It can provide new experiences and ways of exploring sexuality in cuckoldry.

The sadomasochistic components offer a new world of sensation and play with near endless possibilities.

This lifestyle is not without risk, but it is that very risk that can makes cuckold sex so intoxicating and overwhelming.

This is the secret reason that cuckoldry produces such powerful feeling of arousal, passion, and sexual desire.

Ben Steel Founder of Cuckold Relationship

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