Name: Ben Steel, CEO | Address: PO Box 8874 Portland, OR 97207

Phone: (503) 946-8792 | Email: ben@cuckoldrelationship.com

 

Information, Advice, and Coaching

Rather watch a video?

video-player-iconOn April 30th, 2017, New York magazine printed an article that tried to explain how the term “cuckservative” entered politics and mainstream consciousness largely as a way to insult and disenfranchise other men.

cuckservative-magazine-cover
Jeb Bush is considered to be the ultimate “cuckservative” by the Alt Right

The first time that the word cuckold appeared in history was in a 13th-century Middle English poem called “The Owl and the Nightingale.” In it, two birds discuss gender and sexuality. If a man doesn’t treat his wife well. the somewhat feminist owl argues, “if she cuckolds him, God knows, it’s not her fault.”

The term originates from the the cuckoo, a bird infamous for sneaking its eggs into other birds’ nests. Geoffrey Chaucer and William Shakespeare all used the term fairly often.

For example, in The Canterbury Tales, Chaucer tells the story of an old blind man who has been cuckolded. Even after the Gods restore his sight and allow him to see his wife having sex with someone else, his wife convinces him that he is mistaken and continues to cuckold him.

You can read more about the historical aspects of cuckolding here.

.For reasons that are still unclear, the AltRight co-opted the word “cuckold” and created a new political insult in the idea of the “cuckservative.”

“One definition of “cuckservative” is a conservative who sells out, having bought into all of the key premises of the left, and sympathizes with liberal values. According to Richard B. Spencer, a white supremacist and president of the National Policy Institute, the term is a shorthand used to express “a certain kind of contempt for mainstream conservatives.” – Wikipedia

The increasing use of the term “cuckservative” as a political insult rather begs the question: how did a historically emasculating term find its way into mainstream political use?

Part of the reason certainly stems from the rapidly increasing interest in cuckolding as a sexual fantasy and non-monogamous lifestyle. Cuckolding historian and expert, Dr. David Ley, Ph.D, estimates that up to 20% of US males potentially fantasize about their wife having sex with someone else.

Check out our interview with Dr. Ley to delve deeper into the modern expression of cuckolding.

The article goes on to call cuckolding, “an emasculating subgenre of partner-swapping.” The author finished her assessment of the cuckold fantasy by stating that, the goal of a cuckold relationship is “eroticized humiliation of the cuck as a form of emotional masochism.”

Anyone familiar with Cuckold Relationship will know that I have touted psychological masochism as an integral component of cuckolding; however, that power dynamic takes place solely between the husband and his wife….and perhaps her lover on occasion.

In most cases, it does not extend beyond the bedroom, and using the term as if it does, signifies a lack of understanding regarding the cuckold fetish.

Political strategists have turned a sexual fantasy into the newest political insult – cuckservative – whose use is beginning to extend well beyond politics. For example, check out Joe Rogan discussing how the term “cuckold” is being used by some men to degrade and demean other men.

This negative publicity is not doing cuckolds any favors. People with this sexual fantasy already feel ostracized in terms of being able to openly express their sexual inclinations. Co-opting the term and using it exclusively as an insult, adds insult to injury.

Perhaps the most revealing portion of the article lies in the ending quote below:

“But the greatest irony is how self-defeating cuck is as an emasculating insult. For a man to use cuck is to admit that his entire understanding of masculinity revolves around the actions of women — which turns masculinity into a quality that women, not men, control.”

Does the man who gets turned on by his wife’s sexual dalliances truly hand over his masculinity to his wife?

No. On this point, the author and I agree.

A cuckold willingly submits himself to his wife, and often, solely in a sexual context, He does so because it turns him on and brings him satisfaction to do so…NOT because he is an emasculated loser whose masculinity depends on his wife’s temperament.

Some cuckolds do indeed enjoy the humiliating and emasculating aspects of cuckolding, primarily the sissy cuckold; however, it’s short-sighted and irresponsible to label all cuckolds as if they were sissy cuckolds. By the way, there is nothing wrong with being a sissy cuckold, for the record.

While I agree with the author that men who use “cuckservervative” or “cuck” as an insult unwittingly embrace a female-controlled conception of masculinity, I believe this is almost exclusively on an unconscious level.

The real reason for using those terms as an insult centers on the idea that no man (except a total pathetic loser) would ever allow his wife to sleep with someone else.

There are almost 24 million men in the US that would disagree with that statement, not to mention their wives and girlfriends.

So while I am glad to see cuckolding entering mainstream dialogue, I’m also distressed that it’s being referenced solely to taunt and disrespect others.

I’m a man and I’m a cuckold.  I don’t owe an explanation for my preferences to anyone. Cuckolds are people with a unique sexual interest and they deserve to be treated with respect no matter what you personally believe.

The number of politicians who have been caught in sexual scandals and public bathrooms belies the deep-seated hypocrisy that infects their worldview.

So to everyone using the term cuckold as an insult, and especially to the Alt Right, let me present you with a gift from the cuckolding community:

picture-of-middle-finger

Ben Steel Founder of Cuckold Relationship

Share This